W. C. Fields Quotes

56 W. C. Fields quotes:

"The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath."
"Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive."
"Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler."
"Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed."
"Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch."
"Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned."
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull."
"I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home."
"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to."
"Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia."
"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake."
"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Betting Quotes
"Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life."
"Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one."
"Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times."
"If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind."
"Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch."
"I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."
"The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves."
"I drink therefore I am."

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