W. C. Fields Quotes


56 W. C. Fields quotes:



"The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Betting Quotes
"Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"I drink therefore I am."
Author: Fields Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes



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