Phyllis Diller Quotes

45 Phyllis Diller quotes:

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
"Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator"
Author: Diller Quotes Category: Food Quotes
"I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard."
"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going."
"I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'"
"You know you're old if your walker has an airbag."
"You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type."
"Our dog died from licking our wedding picture"
Author: Diller Quotes Category: Wedding Quotes
"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
"I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?"
"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."
"Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out."
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."
"Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off."
"I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing."
"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."
"The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you."
"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
"You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type"
Author: Diller Quotes Category: Blood Quotes

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