Robert Benchley Quotes

"A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to button the top button, failing vision, shortness of breath, a tendency of the collar to shut off all breathing, trembling of the kidneys to whatever tune the orchestra is playing, and a general sense of giddiness when the matter of rent is brought up. Forty is Life's Golden Age."

"Behind every argument is someone's ignorance."

"Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted."

"For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting."

"I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author."

"As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did."

"Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of."

"In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children."

"In America,"

"A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated."

"I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine."

"If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from."

"An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens."

"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him."

"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony."

"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down."

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."

"If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge."

"I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well."

"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."