Tim Vine Quotes

9 Tim Vine quotes:

"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."
Author: Vine Quotes Category: Dad Quotes
"You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox."
Author: Vine Quotes Category: British Comedian Quotes Hunting Quotes
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"
"I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down."
"So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red."
Author: Vine Quotes Category: British Comedian Quotes Chinese Quotes
"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet."
"Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds."
"I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy."

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