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Ambrose Gwinett Bierce Quotes

398 Ambrose Gwinett Bierce quotes:

"PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in artificial rock. A moral without the fable. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A demi-tasse of milk-and-mortality. The Pope's-nose of a featherless peacock. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. The cackle surviving the egg. A desiccated epigram."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Glory Quotes
"LETTUCE, n. An herb of the genus _Lactuca_, "Wherewith," says that pious gastronome, Hengist Pelly, "God has been pleased to reward the good and punish the wicked. For by his inner light the righteous man has discerned a manner of compounding for it a dressing to the appetency whereof a multitude of gustible condiments conspire, being reconciled and ameliorated with profusion of oil, the entire comestible making glad the heart of the godly and causing his face to shine. But the person of spiritual unworth is successfully tempted to the Adversary to eat of lettuce with destitution of oil, mustard, egg, salt and garlic, and with a rascal bath of vinegar polluted with sugar. Wherefore the person of spiritual unworth suffers an intestinal pang of strange complexity and raises the song."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: God Quotes
"ADAMANT, n. A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in solicitate of gold."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Gold Quotes
"ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Habit Quotes
"RICHES, n.A gift from Heaven signifying, ""This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased."" --John D. RockefellerThe reward of toil and virtue. --J.P. MorganThe sayings of many in the hands of one. --Eugene DebsTo these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels that he can add nothing of value."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Heaven Quotes
"PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians --who are Hogmies."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Men Quotes
"IMPENITENCE, n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Mind Quotes
"TREE, n. A tall vegetable intended by nature to serve as a penal apparatus, though through a miscarriage of justice most trees bear only a negligible fruit, or none at all. When naturally fruited, the tree is a beneficient agency of civilization and an important factor in public morals. In the stern West and the sensitive South its fruit (white and black respectively) though not eaten, is agreeable to the public taste and, though not exported, profitable to the general welfare. That the legitimate relation of the tree to justice was no discovery of Judge Lynch (who, indeed, conceded it no primacy over the lamp-post and the bridge-girder) is made plain by the following passage from Morryster, who antedated him by two centuries:While in yt londe I was carried to see ye Ghogo tree, whereof I had hearde moch talk; but sayynge yt I saw naught remarkabyll in it, ye hed manne of ye villayge where it grewe made answer as followeth:"Ye tree is not nowe in fruite, but in his seasonne you shall see dependynge fr. his braunches all soch as have affroynted ye King his Majesty." And I was furder tolde yt ye worde "Ghogo" sygnifyeth in yr tong ye same as "rapscal" in our owne. --_Trauvells in ye Easte_"
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Justice Quotes
"ENCOMIAST, n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Kindness Quotes
"IGNORAMUS, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.Dumble was an ignoramus, Mumble was for learning famous. Mumble said one day to Dumble:""Ignorance should be more humble. Not a spark have you of knowledge That was got in any college."" Dumble said to Mumble: ""Truly You're self-satisfied unduly. Of things in college I'm denied A knowledge --you of all beside."" --Borelli"
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Knowledge Quotes
"RIBALDRY, n. Censorious language by another concerning oneself."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Language Quotes
"PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Language Quotes
"RETALIATION, n. The natural rock upon which is reared the Temple of Law."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Law Quotes
"NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Love Quotes
"The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Marriage Quotes
"PREJUDICE, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Prejudice Quotes
"A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Prejudice Quotes
"OBLIVION, n. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Pride Quotes
"The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Quotes Quotes
"RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead."
Author: Bierce Quotes Category: Purpose Quotes

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