Dave Barry Quotes


118 quotes:

"I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Future Quotes
"Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our "CONFIG.SYS" settings."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Friends Or Friendship Quotes
"The most powerful force in the universe is gossip."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Force Quotes
"Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the "patty" group, which includes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets- foods that have had all of their organs safely removed."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Food Quotes
"I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks should always be the same color,* Or they should at least both be fairly dark."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Fashion Quotes
"You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My God, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!'"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Dogs Quotes
"Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Democracy Quotes
"Mankind's yearning to engage in sports is older than recorded history, dating back to the time millions of years ago, when the first primitive man picked up a crude club and a round rock, tossed the rock into the air, and whomped the club into the sl"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Dating Quotes
"He'd tried to strike up a conversation with her,"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Conversation Quotes
"Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tentative agreements..."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Congress Quotes
"And, of course, you have the commercials where savvy businesspeople Get Ahead by using their MacIntosh computers to create the ultimate American business product: a really sharp-looking report."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Computers Quotes
"User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean idiot."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Computers Quotes
"There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Computers Quotes Humankind Quotes
"Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Computers Quotes Technology Quotes
"And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By they I mean computers: I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Computers Quotes
"One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Company Quotes
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Circumstance Quotes

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