Dave Barry Quotes


118 quotes:

"The difference between men and women is that, if given the choice between saving the life of an infant or catching a fly ball, a woman will automatically choose to save the infant, without even considering if there's a man on base."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Choice Quotes
"American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Business Quotes
"The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Babies Quotes
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes
"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes
"If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes
"'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes
"If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Babies Quotes
"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes
"We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes
"Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes
"There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Fashion Quotes
"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Fishing Quotes
"Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes
"The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Sports Quotes American Journalist Quotes
"Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes
"For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Golf Quotes
"The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes
"Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes

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