Dave Barry Quotes

118 Dave Barry quotes:

"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."
"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."
"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Fishing Quotes
"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."
"The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Ability Quotes
"I believe that's one of the finest action regurgitation scenes in the history of literature. I'd put it right up there."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Action Quotes
"And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By they I mean computers: I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Computers Quotes
"I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our Hope for the Future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Future Quotes
"Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it."
"UNIVAC: a device, which contained 20,000 vacuum tubes, occupied 1,500 square feet and weighed 40 tons; there was also a laptop version weighing 27 tons."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Technology Quotes
"What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Women Quotes
"In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps."
"It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent."
"If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word."
"I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford."
"The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television."
"Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"
"The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire."
"There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary."
"I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer."

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