Dave Barry Quotes


118 Dave Barry quotes:



"The difference between men and women is that, if given the choice between saving the life of an infant or catching a fly ball, a woman will automatically choose to save the infant, without even considering if there's a man on base."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Choice Quotes
"Mankind's yearning to engage in sports is older than recorded history, dating back to the time millions of years ago, when the first primitive man picked up a crude club and a round rock, tossed the rock into the air, and whomped the club into the sl"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Dating Quotes
"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: History Quotes
"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."
"Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the "patty" group, which includes hamburgers, fish sticks, and McNuggets- foods that have had all of their organs safely removed."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Food Quotes
"And, I think it says something about Steve as a performer, and as a man, that no one noticed."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Man Quotes
"I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Parents Quotes
"Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that nobody ever reads. In fact, for the past five years most of the manuals shipped with software products have actually been copies of Stephen King's The Stand with new covers pasted on."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Technology Quotes
"Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically."
"Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship."
"Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything."
"The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter."
"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face."
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
"'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'."
"Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions."
"The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot."
"I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories."
"Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Consumed Quotes
"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."



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