Andy Rooney Quotes

"Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens."

"The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians."

"As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book."

"Elephants and grandchildren never forget."

"Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys."

"Nothing in fine print is ever good news."

"All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law."

"It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything."

"The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment."

"The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread."

"Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of."

"The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong."

"Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives."

"Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head."

"I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me."

"The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men."

"Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads."

"If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one"

"Anyone who lies golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens."

"When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper."