Jay London Quotes


35 Jay London quotes:



"I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough."
"I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world."
"I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out."
"A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock."
"I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody."
"My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality."
"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings."
"I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it."
"My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Boss Quotes
"I saw a stationery store move."
"I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road."
"A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked."
"I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out."
"It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes."
"I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights."
"I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?"
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Medical Quotes
"My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese."
"I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else."
"They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults."
"Do you know it was a year a ago today?"



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