Jay London Quotes

35 Jay London quotes:

"I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Identity Quotes
"Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?"
"I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling."
"You know what burns me? Matches."
"I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm."
"I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it."
"At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?"
"My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Boss Quotes
"My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese."
"I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough."
"I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world."
"I saw a stationery store move."
"People read me but they don't subscribe."
"After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Privilege Quotes
"I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else."
"They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults."
"I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out."
"My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings."
"A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock."
"Do you know it was a year a ago today?"

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