Jay London Quotes


35 Jay London quotes:



"I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Army And Navy Quotes
"I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Worry Quotes
"I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality."
Author: London Quotes Category: Dating Quotes American Comedian Quotes
"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings."
Author: London Quotes Category: Funny Quotes American Comedian Quotes
"I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Boss Quotes
"I saw a stationery store move."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Information Quotes
"I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out."
Author: London Quotes Category: Dad Quotes Music Quotes
"It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes."
Author: London Quotes Category: Funny Quotes American Comedian Quotes
"I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights."
Author: London Quotes Category: Funny Quotes American Comedian Quotes
"I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?"
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Medical Quotes
"My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese."
Author: London Quotes Category: Family Quotes American Comedian Quotes
"I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults."
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes
"Do you know it was a year a ago today?"
Author: London Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes



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