Rita Rudner Quotes


38 Rita Rudner quotes:



"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine."
Author: Rudner Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Ballet Quotes
"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
"The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him."
"Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
"I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose."
"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."
"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping."
"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"
"They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one."
"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down."
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."
"I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them."
"It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was."
"It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
"Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before."



inspirational quote database

Successories, the leaders of inspiration and motivation, has unlocked iQuote: The Inspirational Quote Database, a curated collection of the most inspirational quotes. Raise your iQ and become a Quoteologist today!