Bill Maher Quotes

14 Bill Maher quotes:

"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
"Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."
"The true Axis of Evil in America is the genius of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people."
Author: Maher Quotes Category: America Quotes
"Recently, there's been a trend in America that I find very disturbing . . . rewarding immoral and illegal behavior. . . . For example, we now give free needles to junkies, which seems to me to be only a step away from giving condoms to rapists."
Author: Maher Quotes Category: America Quotes
"Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?"
Author: Maher Quotes Category: Ego Quotes English Composer Quotes
"The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'"
Author: Maher Quotes Category: Intelligence And Intellectuals Quotes English Composer Quotes
"This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution."
Author: Maher Quotes Category: Experience Quotes English Composer Quotes
"When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain."
Author: Maher Quotes Category: Rest Quotes English Composer Quotes
"Doctors said that the test most commonly used to screen for colon cancer doesn't go far enough. They're recommending a procedure that involves photographing the entire colon. I say, don't vie CBS an idea for another reality show."
Author: Maher Quotes Category: Cancer Quotes
"And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has a pack in his back, my answer is, if someone was feeding him answers, couldn't they be able to feed him better ones than he came up with?"
Author: Maher Quotes Category: Comedy Quotes
"I was watching Ashlee Simpson on Jay's show last night... She was really singing, and I was saying, 'Bring back the lip synch.' ...And it struck me that Ashlee Simpson is a lot like George Bush-because she wouldn't even really be in the big leagues if it wasn't for family connections, and she's in way over her head. And she doesn't know what to do. And she blamed her band."
Author: Maher Quotes Category: Comedy Quotes
"I have such disdain for anybody who gets joy out of blowing the stuffing out of a little woodland creature, that I don't really care if any of them gets shot."
Author: Maher Quotes Category: Joy Quotes
"He could have started planning on Saturday when the radar showed that a hurricane was going to hit the city, but Bush thinks that the jury is still out on weather forecasting."
Author: Maher Quotes Category: Planning Quotes
"We sit by and watch the Barbarian, we tolerate him; in the long stretches of peace we are not afraid. We are tickled by his irreverence, his comic inversion of our old certitudes and our fixed creeds refreshes us; we laugh. But as we laugh, we are watched by large and awful faces from beyond: and on these faces there is no smile."
Author: Maher Quotes Category: Peace Quotes

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