Calvin Trillin Quotes

"I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally."

"Health food makes me sick."

"It happens to be a matter of record that I was first in print with the discovery that the tastelessness of the food offered in American clubs varies in direct proportion to the exclusiveness of the club."

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."

"As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler."

"I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still."

"In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses"

"The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out."

"The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression?"

"When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better. A wise diner who is invited to visit the kitchen replies by saying, as politely as possible, that he has a pressing engagement elsewhere."

"The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt."