Funny Quotes


1059 Funny quotes:



"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."
"I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks."
Author: Marx Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry."
"I never said most of the things I said."
"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."
Author: Rogers Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
"By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean."
"Fashions have done more harm than revolutions."
"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope."
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
"I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me."
"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."
"I failed to make the chess team because of my height."
"I have never been hurt by what I have not said."
"I like children - fried."
"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known."


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