David Letterman Quotes


41 David Letterman quotes:



"Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis. [Advice to his guests]"
Author: Letterman Quotes Category: Advice Quotes
"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag."
"President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger."
"Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines."
"Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger."
"And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States."
"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel."
"I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red."
"We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets."
Author: Letterman Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Apologies Quotes
"There is no off position on the genius switch."
"Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water."
"New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move."
"USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population."
"Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"
Author: Letterman Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Bombs Quotes
"People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine."
"I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious."
"The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts."
"New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you."
"The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves."
"Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives."



inspirational quote database

Successories, the leaders of inspiration and motivation, has unlocked iQuote: The Inspirational Quote Database, a curated collection of the most inspirational quotes. Raise your iQ and become a Quoteologist today!