Groucho Marx Quotes

89 Groucho Marx quotes:

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."
Author: Marx Quotes Category: Age And Aging Quotes
"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."
"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
"Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it."
"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
"Women should be obscene and not heard."
"There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked."
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."

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