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Groucho Marx Quotes

89 Groucho Marx quotes:

"I'm giving you 30 days to live."
Author: Marx Quotes Category: Giving Quotes
"Do you mind if I don't smoke ?"
Author: Marx Quotes Category: Mind Quotes
"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse."
Author: Marx Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Humor Quotes
"Humor is reason gone mad."
Author: Marx Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Humor Quotes
"I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks."
Author: Marx Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure"
Author: Marx Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere."
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
"I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty."
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."
"I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book."
Author: Marx Quotes Category: Education Quotes
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."
Author: Marx Quotes Category: Age And Aging Quotes
"When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began at the age of eighty to learn Greek. I am amazed no longer. Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long."
Author: Marx Quotes Category: Age And Aging Quotes
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."
"I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are"
Author: Marx Quotes Category: Animals Quotes
"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough."

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