Groucho Marx Quotes

89 Groucho Marx quotes:

"Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did."
"Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
"I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal."
Author: Marx Quotes Category: Reality Quotes
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."
"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
"I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30."
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."
"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know."
"Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!"
"Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."
"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early."

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