Johnny Carson Quotes

26 Johnny Carson quotes:

"New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved."
"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."
"We're more effective than birth control pills."
"If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners."
"People will pay more to be entertained than educated."
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
"Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."
"Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die."
"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
"Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do."
"Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined."
"I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive."
"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."
"Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president."
"When turkeys mate they think of swans."
"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place."
"The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money."
"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."
"My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day."
"Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: "Are your ready?"

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