P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

37 P. J. O'Rourke quotes:

"Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe down about ''character issues.'' Either that or just go ahead and determine the presidency with three-legged races and pie-eating contests. It would make better TV."
"Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's, given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren't likely to argue about bedtime."
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: Food Quotes
"Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: Optimism Quotes
"The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop."
"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: Children Quotes
"Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly."
"Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs."
"Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Flattery Quotes
"A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too."
"Never wear anything that panics the cat."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Pets Quotes
"Never fight an inanimate object."
"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."
"Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there."
"Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us."
"Earnestness is stupidity sent to college."
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Automobile Quotes
"There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon."
"Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy."
"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."

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