P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

37 P. J. O'Rourke quotes:

"Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's, given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren't likely to argue about bedtime."
"The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person."
"Earnestness is stupidity sent to college."
"If government were a product, selling it would be illegal."
"Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs."
"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."
"After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi."
"Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers."
"If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult."
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Automobile Quotes
"There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner."
"If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Celebrity Quotes
"Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Flattery Quotes
"A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too."
"There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon."
"Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue."
"The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop."
"Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy."
"Never wear anything that panics the cat."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Pets Quotes
"Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly."

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