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P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

37 P. J. O'Rourke quotes:

"Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: Government Quotes Welfare Quotes
"You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money."
"Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us."
"Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there."
"Never fight an inanimate object."
"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."
"A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them."
"Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them."
"America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased."
"Farm policy, although it's complex, can be explained. What it can't be is believed. No cheating spouse, no teen with a wrecked family car, no mayor of Washington, D.C., videotaped in flagrant has ever come up with anything as farfetched as U.S. farm policy."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: Cheating Quotes Farmers Quotes
"When a couple decide to divorce, they should inform both sets of parents before having a party and telling all their friends. This is not only courteous but practical. Parents may be very willing to pitch in with comments, criticism and malicious gossip of their own to help the divorce along"
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: Divorce Quotes
"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."
"After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi."
"Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers."
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
Author: O'Rourke Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Automobile Quotes
"There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon."
"Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy."
"The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person."
"Earnestness is stupidity sent to college."
"If government were a product, selling it would be illegal."

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