Jay Leno Quotes


44 Jay Leno quotes:



"The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up."
"The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most."
"The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."
"You're not famous until my mother has heard of you."
"Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors."
"If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology."
"Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"
Author: Leno Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes
"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?"
"The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up."
"The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets."
"You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh."
"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet."
"Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner."
"Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers."
"For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!"
"Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments."
"I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."
"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates."
"More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own."



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