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George Carlin Quotes

72 George Carlin quotes:

"A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt"
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Home Quotes
"In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing"
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Labor Quotes
"If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work"
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Man Quotes
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things"
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook"
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first."
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"Electricity is really just organized lightning."
"I went straight from shenanigans to cries against humanity"
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Humanity Quotes
"Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain."
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Smiles Quotes
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose"
"We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket"
"When you stress individualism, as this country does; materialism, as this country does; personal weaponry, as this country does; and racial hatred, which is part of our heritage as white Europeans; and then you add the volatile ingredient of "nothing"
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Country Quotes
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"They call it the 'American Dream' because you have to be asleep to believe it."
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Dreams Quotes
"Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down."
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Aggression Quotes
"When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse"
"Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day"
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Trade Quotes
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little"
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Universe Quotes
"If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categorize them, combining them alongside existing ideas, and eventually put a piece together."
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Comedy Quotes
"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going."

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