George Carlin Quotes

72 George Carlin quotes:

"The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity"
Author: Carlin Quotes Category: Advertising Quotes
"Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another."
"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town."
"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it."
"The status quo sucks."
"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood."
"Think off-center."
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"
"There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past."
"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established."
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"
"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."
"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."
"I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories."
"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work."
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going."

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