George Carlin Quotes


72 George Carlin quotes:



"When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent."
"In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first."
"I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away."
"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."
"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."
"Always do whatever's next."
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist."
"Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did."
"One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like."
"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."
"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think."
"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands."



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