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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

57 Rodney Dangerfield quotes:

"When I was born the doctor took one look at my face .... turned me over and said. Look ... twins!"
Author: Dangerfield Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."
Author: Dangerfield Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
"I'm so ugly - My mother had morning sickness - After I was born"
Author: Dangerfield Quotes Category: Mother Quotes
"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."
"I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up"
"At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind."
"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."
"My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."
"My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend."
"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."
"Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid."
"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."
"My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair."
"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them."
"I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette."
Author: Dangerfield Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Cigarette Quotes
"I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot."

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