Dennis Miller Quotes


35 Dennis Miller quotes:



"I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave."
Author: Miller Quotes Category: Habit Quotes
"Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese."
"Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?"
"I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy."
"Technology is fine. . ., but that popular vision of the future, where you plug somebody in and leave them there and they don't get out and interact with actual flesh-and-blood humans -- you know the answer before I say it -- that's not good."
Author: Miller Quotes Category: Future Quotes
"Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again."
"A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."
"One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech."
"A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away."
"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq."
"Economists predict that this year's federal surplus will be $120 billion less than predicted in January. The missing $120 billion was reportedly last seen on a date with Congressman Gary Condit."
"There should be some kind of dedication of a portion of the funds to Town Center."
Author: Miller Quotes Category: Dedication Quotes
"I rant, therefore I am."
"Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time."
"Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time."
Author: Miller Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Religion Quotes
"Our desire was to be annexed into one of the villages of Columbia, but it didn't turn out that way."
Author: Miller Quotes Category: Desire Quotes
"After seven years of marriage, I'm sure of two things -- first, never wallpaper together, and second, you'll need two bathrooms.. both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in."
Author: Miller Quotes Category: Marriage Quotes
"Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways"
Author: Miller Quotes Category: Parents Quotes
"Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels."
"Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch."



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