Fran Lebowitz Quotes

58 Fran Lebowitz quotes:

"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail."
Author: Lebowitz Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
"Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat."
"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."
"Nothing succeeds like address."
"The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive - you"
"You're only as good as your last haircut."
Author: Lebowitz Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion-picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word ''collectible'' as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success."
Author: Lebowitz Quotes Category: Parents Quotes
"Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass."
"Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."
"When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough."
"Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back."
"Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met."
"You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do."
"Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching."
"To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
"My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them."
"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky."
"The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive."
"I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not."

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