Erma Bombeck Quotes

93 Erma Bombeck quotes:

"I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food"
Author: Bombeck Quotes Category: Food Quotes
"When humor goes, there goes civilization."
"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward."
"House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad."
"Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?"
"Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip."
"On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings."
Author: Bombeck Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Beach Quotes
"Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids."
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
"I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ''Checkout Time is 18 years.''"
"Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide."
"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."
"For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy."
"How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?"
"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."
"Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it."
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."
Author: Bombeck Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Car Quotes
"Never have more children than you have car windows."
"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."
"Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown."

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