Erma Bombeck Quotes


93 Erma Bombeck quotes:



"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
"The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"
"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."
"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."
"When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."
"A child develops individuality long before he discovers taste"
Author: Bombeck Quotes Category: Advice Quotes
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."
Author: Bombeck Quotes Category: Action Quotes
"If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."
"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."
"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
"Never order food in excess of your body weight."
"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
"Never have more children than you have car windows."
"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
"Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy."
"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."
"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."



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