Erma Bombeck Quotes

93 Erma Bombeck quotes:

"I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it."
"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
"No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick."
"All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them."
"As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her."
Author: Bombeck Quotes Category: Belief Quotes
"A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory -- an empty bottle of gin."
Author: Bombeck Quotes Category: Children Quotes
"Never order food in excess of your body weight."
"The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"
"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
Author: Bombeck Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Medical Quotes
"Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother."
Author: Bombeck Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Moms Quotes
"Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely."
"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
"One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is."
Author: Bombeck Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Child-raising Quotes
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television."
"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
"A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday."
"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."
"The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going to drop?"
Author: Bombeck Quotes Category: Bad Quotes

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