Erma Bombeck Quotes

93 Erma Bombeck quotes:

"Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy."
"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else."
"When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."
"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
"It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners."
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
"When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911."
"God created man, but I could do better."
"Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead."
"There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it."
"What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?"
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me"."

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