Steven Wright Quotes

36 Steven Wright quotes:

"If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?"
"I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out."
"Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories."
Author: Wright Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Memories Quotes
"It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it."
"I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time."
"I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it."
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
"Hermits have no peer pressure."
"Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?"
"It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature."
"I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically."
"What a nice night for an evening."
"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."
"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
"I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter."
"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."
"At one point he decided enough was enough."
"Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'"
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"

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