Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

28 Jerry Seinfeld quotes:

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
"The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun."
"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end."
"I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything."
"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking."
"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."
"To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving."
"The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!"
Author: Seinfeld Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes IRS Quotes
"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."
"Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us."
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
"People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to."
"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason."
"That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me."
"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."
"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"
Author: Seinfeld Quotes Category: Birthday Quotes
"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."
"Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's notto be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we areto the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing."
Author: Seinfeld Quotes Category: Birthday Quotes

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