Dave Barry Quotes


118 Dave Barry quotes:



"American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Business Quotes
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Circumstance Quotes
"I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks should always be the same color,* Or they should at least both be fairly dark."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Fashion Quotes
"While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our "CONFIG.SYS" settings."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Funny Quotes
"Talking about golf is always boring. (Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.)"
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Golf Quotes
"You get people from all walks of life here -- who work in domestic service."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Life Quotes
"Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said ""CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Sales Quotes
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: Women Quotes
"We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires."
"Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Causes Quotes
"The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs."
"My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Chess Quotes
"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
"The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice."
"It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money."
"And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West."
"Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet."
Author: Barry Quotes Category: American Journalist Quotes Popularity Quotes
"I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems."
"For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball."
"If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'"



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