Jon Stewart Quotes

35 Jon Stewart quotes:

"Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating."
Author: Stewart Quotes Category: Humorous Quotes
"That's what I like about you, senator. You're kicking it old-school."
"More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had."
"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
Author: Stewart Quotes Category: American Entertainer Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes
"those dastardly, conniving, post-hurricane looting criminals. Is there no end to their planning abilities?!"
Author: Stewart Quotes Category: Planning Quotes
"There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on "Friends" is."
"Very often I get e-mails intended for Jon Stewart from Comedy Central that are mailed to me. And the first reaction, and the first response that I or my assistant make is: Do you have the right Jon Stewart?"
Author: Stewart Quotes Category: Comedy Quotes
"President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader."
"I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor."
"Insomnia is my greatest inspiration."
"The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him."
"We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the beauty of fake journalism. We don't have to - we travel in fake ethics."
Author: Stewart Quotes Category: Beauty Quotes
"Alright guys, I want to get out there and vote tomorrow. And not because it's cool, because it's not. You know what is cool? Smoking. Smoke while you vote."
Author: Stewart Quotes Category: Humorous Quotes
"I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days."
"If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news."
Author: Stewart Quotes Category: American Entertainer Quotes News Quotes
"Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid."
"I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food."
"The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1."
"Some are from the world of the arts, some from the fields of business, architecture, wine-making and education. What they have in common is that they are all known nationally -- and many internationally -- for their wide-ranging achievements."
"The truth is we've been doing The Daily Show for all the way up until just this week, so I've been kind of focused on that. And at home my wife and I just had another baby, so I've also been thinking about that."
Author: Stewart Quotes Category: Truth Quotes

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