Tom Lehrer Quotes

"If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here"

"Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things"

"It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years."

"On my income tax 1040 it says "Check this box if you are blind." I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away."

"If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it."

"Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it."

"Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"

"I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up."

"Bad weather always looks worse through a window."

"The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability."

"In the new approach, as you know, the important thing is to understand what you are doing rather than to get the right answer"

"All books can be indecent books, though recent books are bolder.For filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd. I could tell you things about Peter Pan,And the Wizard of OZ, there's a dirty old man!"

"On Christmas day you can't get sore, Your fellow man you must adore, There's time to cheat him all the more The other three hundred and sixty-four"

"It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year."

"An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent."

"Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you."

"I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!"

"I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up."