Joan Rivers Quotes

41 Joan Rivers quotes:

"Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory."
Author: Rivers Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Chinese Quotes
"Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too."
"My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash."
"My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy."
"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."
"Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise."
"Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds."
"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
"If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor."
"Never floss with a stranger."
"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."
"I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are."
Author: Rivers Quotes Category: Approval Quotes
"Can we talk?"
"Your anger can be 49 % and your comedy 51 %, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 %, the comedy is gone."
Author: Rivers Quotes Category: Anger Quotes
"Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear"
Author: Rivers Quotes Category: Anger Quotes
"My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know."
Author: Rivers Quotes Category: Children Quotes Letters Quotes
"I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present."
Author: Rivers Quotes Category: Optimism Quotes Indian Poet Quotes
"Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds"
Author: Rivers Quotes Category: Food Quotes
"[But she was closer to her mother.] I adored my mother. She was very formal and proper, but she was so full of fun when you got to know her. ... Because she was really like me, without the cover. You know when you take the shell off a tortoise? There's my mother. I live a lot the way she lived. I have a very formal home and my daughter was brought up strictly and all that."
Author: Rivers Quotes Category: Mother Quotes
"I had seven years of struggle, really bad years, ... I once slept in my car for a week and washed at the YWCA."
Author: Rivers Quotes Category: Struggle Quotes

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