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Fran Lebowitz Quotes

58 Fran Lebowitz quotes:

"If you're going to America, bring your own food."
"The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive - you"
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
"Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."
"When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough."
"Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat."
"Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back."
"Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set."
"Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met."
"You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do."
"My favorite animal is steak."
"Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching."
"To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
"My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them."
"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky."
"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."
"Nothing succeeds like address."
"Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football."

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