Henry Youngman Quotes


49 Henry Youngman quotes:



"A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
Author: Youngman Quotes Category: Women Quotes
"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
Author: Youngman Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Holidays Quotes
"She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match."
"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."
"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."
Author: Youngman Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Brother Quotes
"She has a wash and wear bridal gown."
"Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous."
"There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out."
"This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number."
"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving."
"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money."
"When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays."
"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
"How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'"
"This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest."
"If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas."
"This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!"
"You have a nice personality, but not for a human being."
Author: Youngman Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Personality Quotes
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."



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